No man of my life: My father, Unoka

The Festive Season

It is the post-harvest festive season again.  Music, dances and laughter can be seen and heard everywhere around Umuofia. It is the time which he loved the most. The irritating gleeful story of him being so blessed and so blithe when young kept on ringing in my mind, causing me to lose concentration to work. He would stare at the sky in awe and retold his same old story again and again…

“I was so alive and so free, so spontaneous and so young. I always did, gazing at the bright blue sapphire sky and the white cotton clouds, waiting for the first kites that return with the dry season, and welcoming the leisurely sailing kites with tunes and rhythms. The sun, the sky and the songs have brought so much joy and laughter to my childhood…  ”

That was when he was young.  He, the grown up, was a total failure.

Ten years had passed by in a blink of eye.  He had left my life for ten whole years. Should I thank the ancestor for bringing him away from my life? Well, I have no answer for that. People always say that any one man in the world can father a child, but it takes a special man to be a Dad. He was never my dad. He did not even fulfil his responsibility as a father to fed the family and provide a decent life. He was just an irresponsible lazy old man that gave me this pathetic life.

When I was young

There was lot of times when I wish that I was not born to this lazy, squandering, and effeminate father. He was never a real man of Umuofia. Not only that he did not prowess in wars, he never had a very successful crop enough to feed the family. To sustain the family, I have to start helping my mum and the girls in the barn so that at least we have enough food for ourselves.  When all other young boys were running around the yam barn playing so merrily, I can only stand in the corner watching them enviously. They would not let me join and I did not have the leisure time to join the fun. I was the poor hungry kid who never knows the joy of child games. The despair and sadness I felt is still vividly imprinted in my heart. 

Since then, I promised myself that I will not walk in your path. No musician can succeed and no dreamer can feed his stomach. I will be the exact opposite of this man who brought me so much embarrassment and sufferings. I must be a man full of masculinity and manliness. There will not be an idle, poor, profligate, cowardly, gentle Okonkwo in the future but a productive, wealthy, thrifty, brave man of Umuofia. Thus, when I have grown old enough to start my own life, I left the miserable home and start anew. I have worked extremely hard and like the rainbow after the rain, I have found my way out of poverty. My hard work and prowess in war have earned me a position of high status in my clan, and I attained wealth sufficient to support three wives and all my children. Look how successful I am! Ha ha!

My Family

Here it goes a famous saying of who a dad can be to his sons and daughters, "A dad is a son's first hero and a daughter's first love."  He was never my hero. What he brought the most to me is not joy and love but poverty and hunger; what he taught me of life is not hard work and success but failure. I thank the egwuwu and our ancestor that I have grown too strong to become like him. The only thing he left for me is embarrassment.

 He is no man of my life. I wondered why I would write about him when I should not even think of him. He is such a shy of blood.

A grief mistake

The locusts came. They come once in a generation and will return every year for seven years before disappearing for another another lifetime. All of us were excitedly collecting them because they are good to eat when cooked. However, despite the happiness that we had, the news that Ogbuefi Ezeudo had brought to me was the start of all the disasters that happen in my family. I still freshly remember the day when he paid me a visit. He did not enter the hut instead he called me to come outside. I had a hunch that he was going to tell a bad news. Indeed, he told me privately that the oracle has decreed that Ikemefuna must be killed. He also told me that I cannot take part in the boy’s death, as Ikemefuna called me “father”. I knew that what the oracle has decided is a fixed rule that we must follow. However, I really felt shocked when the person is Ikemefuna. Why the oracle has chosen him? 

Actually, I had a great thought about him as he is really a great ‘son’ to me. He helped me a lot and the most important is he has built up Nwoye’s masculinity in himself. It was a great pleasure to me. This is because I have always hoped that Nwoye will become a great man like me and brings honour to this family. He is so close to us. However, as the head of the family, I need to make this decision. I lied to Ikemefuna that he will be returning to his home village. It was hard to lie to someone that I cared and loved. 

Source
I killed Ikemefuna even though he asked for my help

With a heavy heart, I walked along with the men of Umuofia and Ikemefuna the next day. During the walk, I thought about how Ikemefuna has changed our life, the life without him later and then what would he be disappointed towards me after found out that I had lied to him. Then, the tragedy came. When a man attacked him with a machete, Ikemefuna cried to me for help. I can see the hopeless in his eyes and how strong he wished me to help him. But, but, I cannot help him. He must be killed and I did not wish to look wish as well. Thus, I braved myself and cut the boy down using the machete. Without looking at him, I turned my head and walked back with a sense of loss and guilty. As a father, I failed to protect my son, however, as a man, I succeeded to obey the oracle instruction and act like a great man. 

When I reached home, I received a strange look from Nwoye. He looked very angry and sad. Maybe he knew that his friend is dead. I called him to come near to me, but he refused me. I have the second loss. Since that day, I felt like I cannot sleep or eat. I felt week. The face of Ikemefuna who longed for my help was always haunting me. Whenever I sleep, Ikemefuna is the one who always waked me up. I can still hear his crying. I hated myself because I was acting like a “shivering women”. 

After three days, I visited my friend, Obierika. I went to congrates Maduka on his successful wrestling. In turn, he asked me to stay. Then, I caught a chance and expressed my thoughts about the death of Ikemefuna. However, Obierika questioned about the right of me to partake in Ikemefuna death. Of course, I cannot agree with him. This is because it is Ikemefuna destiny which has decided by the oracle and we must follow it. However, after had a talk with Obierika, I feel revived a bit. If Ikemefuna had been murdered at a busier time of the year, I would have been completely undisturbed. Unfortunately, it happened at a wrong timing. I hope Ikemefuna will understand me and would not blame me. On the other hand, I do not know what I can do with Nwoye as he had lost a brother. 

I am so sorry to you two.