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A grief mistake

The locusts came. They come once in a generation and will return every year for seven years before disappearing for another another lifetime. All of us were excitedly collecting them because they are good to eat when cooked. However, despite the happiness that we had, the news that Ogbuefi Ezeudo had brought to me was the start of all the disasters that happen in my family. I still freshly remember the day when he paid me a visit. He did not enter the hut instead he called me to come outside. I had a hunch that he was going to tell a bad news. Indeed, he told me privately that the oracle has decreed that Ikemefuna must be killed. He also told me that I cannot take part in the boy’s death, as Ikemefuna called me “father”. I knew that what the oracle has decided is a fixed rule that we must follow. However, I really felt shocked when the person is Ikemefuna. Why the oracle has chosen him? 

Actually, I had a great thought about him as he is really a great ‘son’ to me. He helped me a lot and the most important is he has built up Nwoye’s masculinity in himself. It was a great pleasure to me. This is because I have always hoped that Nwoye will become a great man like me and brings honour to this family. He is so close to us. However, as the head of the family, I need to make this decision. I lied to Ikemefuna that he will be returning to his home village. It was hard to lie to someone that I cared and loved. 
Source
I killed Ikemefuna even though he asked for my help

With a heavy heart, I walked along with the men of Umuofia and Ikemefuna the next day. During the walk, I thought about how Ikemefuna has changed our life, the life without him later and then what would he be disappointed towards me after found out that I had lied to him. Then, the tragedy came. When a man attacked him with a machete, Ikemefuna cried to me for help. I can see the hopeless in his eyes and how strong he wished me to help him. But, but, I cannot help him. He must be killed and I did not wish to look wish as well. Thus, I braved myself and cut the boy down using the machete. Without looking at him, I turned my head and walked back with a sense of loss and guilty. As a father, I failed to protect my son, however, as a man, I succeeded to obey the oracle instruction and act like a great man. 

When I reached home, I received a strange look from Nwoye. He looked very angry and sad. Maybe he knew that his friend is dead. I called him to come near to me, but he refused me. I have the second loss. Since that day, I felt like I cannot sleep or eat. I felt week. The face of Ikemefuna who longed for my help was always haunting me. Whenever I sleep, Ikemefuna is the one who always waked me up. I can still hear his crying. I hated myself because I was acting like a “shivering women”. 

After three days, I visited my friend, Obierika. I went to congrates Maduka on his successful wrestling. In turn, he asked me to stay. Then, I caught a chance and expressed my thoughts about the death of Ikemefuna. However, Obierika questioned about the right of me to partake in Ikemefuna death. Of course, I cannot agree with him. This is because it is Ikemefuna destiny which has decided by the oracle and we must follow it. However, after had a talk with Obierika, I feel revived a bit. If Ikemefuna had been murdered at a busier time of the year, I would have been completely undisturbed. Unfortunately, it happened at a wrong timing. I hope Ikemefuna will understand me and would not blame me. On the other hand, I do not know what I can do with Nwoye as he had lost a brother. 

I am so sorry to you two.