No man of my life: My father, Unoka

The Festive Season

It is the post-harvest festive season again.  Music, dances and laughter can be seen and heard everywhere around Umuofia. It is the time which he loved the most. The irritating gleeful story of him being so blessed and so blithe when young kept on ringing in my mind, causing me to lose concentration to work. He would stare at the sky in awe and retold his same old story again and again…

“I was so alive and so free, so spontaneous and so young. I always did, gazing at the bright blue sapphire sky and the white cotton clouds, waiting for the first kites that return with the dry season, and welcoming the leisurely sailing kites with tunes and rhythms. The sun, the sky and the songs have brought so much joy and laughter to my childhood…  ”

That was when he was young.  He, the grown up, was a total failure.

Ten years had passed by in a blink of eye.  He had left my life for ten whole years. Should I thank the ancestor for bringing him away from my life? Well, I have no answer for that. People always say that any one man in the world can father a child, but it takes a special man to be a Dad. He was never my dad. He did not even fulfil his responsibility as a father to fed the family and provide a decent life. He was just an irresponsible lazy old man that gave me this pathetic life.

When I was young

There was lot of times when I wish that I was not born to this lazy, squandering, and effeminate father. He was never a real man of Umuofia. Not only that he did not prowess in wars, he never had a very successful crop enough to feed the family. To sustain the family, I have to start helping my mum and the girls in the barn so that at least we have enough food for ourselves.  When all other young boys were running around the yam barn playing so merrily, I can only stand in the corner watching them enviously. They would not let me join and I did not have the leisure time to join the fun. I was the poor hungry kid who never knows the joy of child games. The despair and sadness I felt is still vividly imprinted in my heart. 

Since then, I promised myself that I will not walk in your path. No musician can succeed and no dreamer can feed his stomach. I will be the exact opposite of this man who brought me so much embarrassment and sufferings. I must be a man full of masculinity and manliness. There will not be an idle, poor, profligate, cowardly, gentle Okonkwo in the future but a productive, wealthy, thrifty, brave man of Umuofia. Thus, when I have grown old enough to start my own life, I left the miserable home and start anew. I have worked extremely hard and like the rainbow after the rain, I have found my way out of poverty. My hard work and prowess in war have earned me a position of high status in my clan, and I attained wealth sufficient to support three wives and all my children. Look how successful I am! Ha ha!

My Family

Here it goes a famous saying of who a dad can be to his sons and daughters, "A dad is a son's first hero and a daughter's first love."  He was never my hero. What he brought the most to me is not joy and love but poverty and hunger; what he taught me of life is not hard work and success but failure. I thank the egwuwu and our ancestor that I have grown too strong to become like him. The only thing he left for me is embarrassment.

 He is no man of my life. I wondered why I would write about him when I should not even think of him. He is such a shy of blood.

A grief mistake

The locusts came. They come once in a generation and will return every year for seven years before disappearing for another another lifetime. All of us were excitedly collecting them because they are good to eat when cooked. However, despite the happiness that we had, the news that Ogbuefi Ezeudo had brought to me was the start of all the disasters that happen in my family. I still freshly remember the day when he paid me a visit. He did not enter the hut instead he called me to come outside. I had a hunch that he was going to tell a bad news. Indeed, he told me privately that the oracle has decreed that Ikemefuna must be killed. He also told me that I cannot take part in the boy’s death, as Ikemefuna called me “father”. I knew that what the oracle has decided is a fixed rule that we must follow. However, I really felt shocked when the person is Ikemefuna. Why the oracle has chosen him? 

Actually, I had a great thought about him as he is really a great ‘son’ to me. He helped me a lot and the most important is he has built up Nwoye’s masculinity in himself. It was a great pleasure to me. This is because I have always hoped that Nwoye will become a great man like me and brings honour to this family. He is so close to us. However, as the head of the family, I need to make this decision. I lied to Ikemefuna that he will be returning to his home village. It was hard to lie to someone that I cared and loved. 

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I killed Ikemefuna even though he asked for my help

With a heavy heart, I walked along with the men of Umuofia and Ikemefuna the next day. During the walk, I thought about how Ikemefuna has changed our life, the life without him later and then what would he be disappointed towards me after found out that I had lied to him. Then, the tragedy came. When a man attacked him with a machete, Ikemefuna cried to me for help. I can see the hopeless in his eyes and how strong he wished me to help him. But, but, I cannot help him. He must be killed and I did not wish to look wish as well. Thus, I braved myself and cut the boy down using the machete. Without looking at him, I turned my head and walked back with a sense of loss and guilty. As a father, I failed to protect my son, however, as a man, I succeeded to obey the oracle instruction and act like a great man. 

When I reached home, I received a strange look from Nwoye. He looked very angry and sad. Maybe he knew that his friend is dead. I called him to come near to me, but he refused me. I have the second loss. Since that day, I felt like I cannot sleep or eat. I felt week. The face of Ikemefuna who longed for my help was always haunting me. Whenever I sleep, Ikemefuna is the one who always waked me up. I can still hear his crying. I hated myself because I was acting like a “shivering women”. 

After three days, I visited my friend, Obierika. I went to congrates Maduka on his successful wrestling. In turn, he asked me to stay. Then, I caught a chance and expressed my thoughts about the death of Ikemefuna. However, Obierika questioned about the right of me to partake in Ikemefuna death. Of course, I cannot agree with him. This is because it is Ikemefuna destiny which has decided by the oracle and we must follow it. However, after had a talk with Obierika, I feel revived a bit. If Ikemefuna had been murdered at a busier time of the year, I would have been completely undisturbed. Unfortunately, it happened at a wrong timing. I hope Ikemefuna will understand me and would not blame me. On the other hand, I do not know what I can do with Nwoye as he had lost a brother. 

I am so sorry to you two.

Seven years of exile

In my life, I never imagine that I will be exiled from my land someday. As I am the great man, it should not happen on me. 

It was the funeral of Ezuedu. As he was a great warrior who took three of the clan’s four titles, his funeral is large and elaborate. The men beat drums and fire their guns. But, what when wrong with my gun? It accidentally goes off and kills Ezeudu’s sixteen-year-old son. Then, was silent. Looking at the lifeless body, I knew I must take the responsibility on it. Without any doubt, I was required to take my family for exile for seven years. The men from Ezuedu’s quarters burn my buildings and kill my animals to cleanse the village for my sin. It happens to me. Is it because I had killed Ikemefuna and cause the hurtful to the well-being and solidarity of the clan and its traditions? Facing the punishment, I did not have any question. Through the punishment, it will help to stave off anger, resentment, and ultimately revenge. I had taken every valuable belonging with me. When I looked at the bare land where was once rich before. I felt empty. What I had built up for those years are now became ashes. I had nothing, I only had my family me and now we had to move on to my mother’s natal village, Mbata. 

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I packed my properties and left

I sank into despair. All my ambition to eventually become a great leader of the clan has been ripped away by the exile. I believe my personal god or chi was not destined for great things. After Uchendu understood what happens, he and his sons help me to build a compound and farm. The family even pitches in to give me seed-yams to start a farm with the coming rain season. I feel very grateful towards their kindness and help. Although I work as hard as always in order to prosper, however my heart is no longer in it. I still cannot accept the fact that I was banished and need to start from zero. After a certain time, Uchendu gathered his family including me. He asked me what the meaning of “Mother is supreme” is. As I do not expecting the question, I answered that I do not know the answer. In fact, he was intended to advise me to receive the comfort of the motherland gratefully. I feel determined after that. Thus, despite long exile, I have been planning my return. I wanted to rebuild my compound with space for two more wives. 

I feel glad that my friend, Obierika came to visit me during my second year of exile and he brings several bags of cowries to me. From here, the tight bond of friendship between us is shown. Somehow, I was overwhelmed by his visit as he still cares and helps me a lot when I am in the hardship. Thank you, my friend.

I have a new hope towards my return after the seven years. I will work hard as possible I could and prove that I am the man who can always succeed. 

Nwoye, my son? Ezinma, my daughter?

I am a great man. I had three wives and eight children. There are two children who I worried and like the most in deep of my heart. 

Nwoye, you are my eldest son. I put my hope on you to become a great farmer and man like me, a man who is enthusiastic and earnest in all of men tasks and does not afraid of blood. However, you like to listen to folktales told by your mother instead of the bloody war stories told by me. I do want want you to become like your grandfather who I hated the most. Thanks to Ikemefuna as when he comes to live with this family, you begin taking on masculine tasks you normally would not perform in an attempt to emulate Ikemefuna. As I had always wanted you to have a proper independence of thought and action, I am very glad when I see your changes. 

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Lonely Nwoye after the death of Ikemefuna

Despite of that, I wish that you will totally have the tendencies that Ikemefuna has. I still remember when I asked you and Ikemefuna to prepare the yams and found faults with your efforts; I became so angry and shouted at you. “Do you think you are cutting up yams for cooking? If you put another yam of this size, I shall break your jaw. You think you are still a child. I began to farm at your age. I will not have a son who cannot hold up his head in the gathering of the clan. I would sooner strangle him with my own hands.” I yelled. This is because I wanted you to grow into a tough man capable of running my household when I was dead and gone to join my ancestors. Thus, I raise you through violence, anger, and authority. Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever. Since Ikemefuna is dead, you changed. The relationship between you and me damaged.

Much later in Mbata, when my cousin told me about your conversion into Christian, I really get a terrible heart attack. Why you choose a path which is nontraditional to your culture? When I saw you at that day, I cannot control myself and choke you by the neck, demanding to know where you have been and started to hit you. When Uchendu ordered me to let go of you, you walked away and never return. in desperately anger, I said to the others, “Now he is no longer my son or your brother. I will only have a son who is a man, who will hold his head up among my people.” You are such a coward and betrayer and do not let me see your face anymore. I will kill you at that moment!

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my lovely daughter

Ezinma, you are the eldest daughter and the only child of Ekwefi. The town considers you to be an ogbanje child – one who goes through many cycles of being born, dying, and reentering her mother’s womb. In order to break your connection to the ogbanje world, you are forced to locate your iyi-uwa. It was quite a hard time for all of us. I have loved you so dearly since you came that it has been on my mind which I wished you to become a boy. You often act in a bolder manner than the other children. You are always the one who understands me. For example, when I was depressed in the death of Ikemefuna, you brought me my evening meals and told me that I must finished everything. At that moment, I strongly sense your caring towards me and I would be happier if you are a boy as you have the ‘right spirit’. When Ekwefi awaked me very early in one morning and told me that you were dying. I quickly ran to the hut and checked over you. Luckily, you were just has a fever and without any hesitation, I went out to collect the medicine. After that, I cured you and stay beside you. I must make sure that you are healthy. Another incidence which makes me so sorry about you is when Chielo carried you, made her rounds of the nine villages and entered the Oracle’s cave. I decided to follow you from behind, stay awaked for whole night and swear to myself that I must protect you as hard as I could. 

Then, after the seven years of exile, you have grown up to become a beautiful woman like your mother when she was young. You are known as ‘Crystal of Beauty’. I still regret that you are a girl. However, I wished you to marry with Unuofia’s man. This is due to my title and position in the community after I came back to my motherland. You will attract the attention of powerful men and thus will increase my status in my fatherland. You are still so understandable that you consented and even persuaded your sister to postpone her marriage as well. I feel very grateful. 

I am so proud of myself to have you as my daughter but if I had another lifetime, I wish you will become my son and never had Nwoye in my life.

Suicide: Farewell, my dear daughter

This is for my daughter, whom I raised and loved with everything I have. Hereby I give her my heart and my soul so that to teach her how to live and love.

Dear Ezinma,

Seven years of exile was so unbearable. What more is that I have to see with my own eyes that our once beautiful glorious village is falling apart? The albinos, with their so called supreme religion, had invaded our world. Our people were degraded and disintegrated, causing the disarray of our homeland and cluttering our traditional culture. I have rose and fell among our people and I do not think that I can risk failing this time. I have decided to kill myself. By the time you see this post, please stay strong and fight for my sake.

People of Umuofia are no more supportive of our own culture and belief. The innocent people were blinded by the excellent facilities provided by the albinos. They have changed sides to believe and love the white men’s God, just like your brother did. Speaking of him, I am so ashamed by his decision of embracing Christianity. He is indeed a weak and useless boy who failed me and his entire village. He is supposed to be a real man of Umuofia, stand alongside with you and me to fight off the arrogant white men and regain our glory. Such a coward he is to just run away like this.

My dear darling, I have lost all that I truly believe and all that I love: my son, my culture and my village. I have lost the faith of keep fighting. I felt so caught up in everything that I could not deal with anything anymore.  I felt so helpless unable to control my own fate. Despite my strength, my wealth and my success, am I really controlling my life? I wondered.  I can feel that my chi is failing me. Why did all bad things have to come at once? Well, perhaps this is an omen. Our ancestors are calling for me to concede defeat to my chi and to sacrifice myself honourably for our beloved village.

My suicide will be the last attempt to remind our people of our culture and values in the face of impending colonisation. I hope my sacrifice will be able to inspire resistance against the colonial oppressors. We have to defeat the white men. We have to chase them out of our village! I will serve as a warning to our young people in Umuofia so that they would rise and fight. Someday near future, there will be peace in our village and we can live happily like we did before the white men came.

Daughter, you’re now my only hope. Please note that I always love you. Do marry well and influence and lead the clan to fight for our belief. I can only depend on you to bring back the glory of our clan. You must have the spirit to stand strong and firm. Do remember that your father had died for a greater cause, to protect our culture and belief and for you to fight stronger. Do not weaver no matter what the white men offer. They may be richer and more resourceful than we are but what is to preserve has to be protected.

Never question your belief, my daughter. Our ancestor will be proud of us. We will protect you throughout your journey to bring back the old good time. Farewell, beautiful lady. Be well.

Your father,